You may (or maybe not) have noticed I’ve been missing lately. Missing in more ways than one…missing from my blog, missing friends birthdays, missing emails, missing from being present in my own life. Sometimes, this happens…life happens. You know…when it rains it pours. Do you sometimes feel like your plate is overwhelmingly small and God is still heaping “stuff” upon it?
It started for me in April…on Easter…when my mom fell and required weeks of rehabiliation. Then there has been some tough personal growth for me and the hubby…amazing how getting older can make you re-evaluate your life. And week before last, we found out my dad has bladder cancer. That last one has hit me hard.
My daddy is the one constant in my almost 47 yrs. of life. He can do anything…fix anything…there is very little he cannot figure out. And he is ALWAYS there when you need him. NO MATTER WHAT. He’s strong and no-nonsense…and stubborn. And such a hard worker…overall just a good, good man. A loving husband… and MY daddy. Doesn’t seem right that he could be sick and without any notice.
So I took a trip to my pity pool for a thorough soaking and a ponder of “why me” and” how can this be” and “what will we do” and so on and so on. I didn’t write about it because I didn’t have the words…still am not sure that I can convey what’s inside my heart and head. Despite how positive both my mom and dad have been…I have been filled with dread at the unknown. Parazlyed by fear. Depising seeing them getting older. Panicked at the thought of someday living in a world without them.
But even in the pool of pitifulness, I recongized some moments of fabulousness. I thought to myself that it seemed strange that the world continued to turn when I was in such demise. How could that be?
Then it came to me one day this week “Well, why not me?” And I know that no matter what…it’s one foot in front of the other. And I do believe that everything will be as it should be in the end. It WILL be ok. It’s the journey that scares me. It’s admitting that I can’t control or fix it. It’s standing with both feet planted on faith and with both arms and hands stretched out to heaven. It’s one prayer at at time. It’s saying to myself “God IS in control” a dozen times a day. So here are just a few of those fabulous moments that managed to snag my attention. I choose to believe it is God saying “I’m still here.”
Where is my fabulous? It’s still right here too.