I can’t even begin to tell you where I’ve been lately. I’d like to say I’ve been all over the board but in reality, I’ve only been one place and that is down in a hole. A very deep hole that I have had much trouble climbing out of and if truth be told…am not sure that I don’t still have one foot on that slippery slope where I could fall back in. Ugh…sounds depressing, doesn’t it? Well, it has been and that is why I have not written about it. Because who needs to hear my “woe is me” when you’ve got your own?
I did a couple of things just for myself before I fell into the depths of the earth. I joined Jess Morrow’s summer writing class, where I could learn to let my writing flow from within me. And I joined another e-course called “Find your Strongest Life” by Marcus Buckingham (The tag that got me? “What the happiest and most successful women do differently.”) Hmmm…yes, I’d like to know that, please. Like right now. LOL
I started off my writing class strong, unafraid, and brave, but I was only there one week before I lost myself in my own underground tunnel. My writing turned inward and I struggled with the words on the page because what I felt was not something I wanted to share. It wasn’t the good stuff…the ultimate fabulousness. It was the ultimate sadness. So I stopped writing in my journal. I’ve been reluctant to put my thoughts on paper…like doing so makes it more real. But what is more real than what you feel? I have continued to follow along, reading my classmates work and being happy for the many break-thru moments they are having. Envious that I cannot find my place among them.
Then I started this “Find Your Strongest Life” series. I’m attaching an article for you here so you can read the 10 Myths About the Lives of Women, which is the introduction to the book. Some will come as no surprise…but number 1 and 2 provided all the validation I needed for every way I’m feeling right now. Maybe you will find yourself here in my words…discontented with life and dissatisfied with where you are at. I think of myself (most of the time) as a grateful, appreciative person and that I’m feeling this way is beyond me….way beyond me! But I can’t hide these feelings from myself or from you, nor do I really want to. So you will find me here more…writing about my feelings even when they are not good ones and I feel like they aren’t worth sharing. Because I have to be real. I have to be who I am. And I’m not always fabulous.
I have left my blog unattended lately and I’m sorry for that. I find it ironic that is how I have left my soul too. But I’m going to work on taking better care of my life and with sharing all of this with you, my friends. I’m sure that there is a lesson here to be learned…a silver lining. And as I pull these weeds from the garden of my heart, I’m looking for that message and sowing seeds of hope. And happiness.