For months I have been in a super funk. I’ve been really trying to figure out what I’m doing with my 47 yr. old life. I have been wondering what my true calling is…what I would do if money wasn’t a factor.
I adore this time of year…the start of a new school year. I can’t help myself when I come across the school supply isle and I have to stroll down it and touch the paper and pens. (I have an infatuation with paper.) I look forward to the back-to-school sales…and those Target commercials. Backpacks, lunch boxes, notebooks, erasers…the excitement is contagious!
When I was a young girl I wanted to be a teacher. I was inspired by my high school English teacher, Mary Kay McCollum. I thought she was the best teacher ever…and she still is. She is still teaching 30 yrs. later. I’m blessed to call her my friend now even though she will forever be my teacher. I never graduated from the community college. By that time, all I wanted to do was get married and settle down. I had fallen in love and suddenly my focus had shifted away from my dream of becoming an high school English teacher.
I pursued growth opportunities in the bank that I was working at as a teller. Now I’m a Wealth Management Banker with insurance and investment licenses. And I’ve been blessed with success for the most part. I’ve made a good life for me and my family. This job has been good to me. But, I thirst for more. I feel my soul calling to me. And I have missed the boat. Big time. I realize it now…30 yrs. later. EEK!
I know teaching is not what it used to be. Curriculum is centered around the passing of THAT test- what are they calling it these days? I know it’s all different and I’m certain it as frustrating as my banking job and much more dangerous. I realize there is no money in teaching. But for me-it’s about more than money. It’s about soul satisfying, heart felt, burning-brightly-like-the-sun-passion for what you do. It’s about knowing what you were born to do. You may ask me how I know this and I would have to give you several intangible reasons. My giddiness over a classroom, how a book feels in my hands, the way I feel alive when I think about having a classroom of inquiring minds. I believe it’s in my nature…nuturing, caring, supportive, coaching are all words I would use to describe myself. And I think kids keep you young. My nest is empty and I still have plenty left to give. (See? I told you they were intangible). Most of all, I know teachers like Ms. McCollum are few and far between. And I think I could be a good one. After all, I had a great mentor. 🙂
I admit, I am sadden that I didn’t stick to my original plan. I had a dream at a young age-I knew then what it was I was supposed to be doing. But I traded it in. Lost sight of it. Buried it. Forgot about it and then let the memory of it slip away. I’m actually relieved and happy to find it again. I won’t say I’m too late, although the voice inside my head says I am. I calm that voice with thoughts that I can maybe find some way, some thing to satisfy my yearning to teach.
Maybe I will just think on this for awhile. I’ll pray about it and see where God leads me.
If you have a dream, you have everything. If you have everything and no dream, then everything means nothing.~Edge Keynote