I wrote last Wednesday (click here to read that post) about the gift I gave to myself. Forgiveness. Something happened…something big for me and I have to share how all of this came together because this is ULTIMATE FABULOUSNESS.
I have to be careful about how much I reveal, as this is a work related experience. What I can tell you is that I made a careless mistake while multi-tasking at my office. I would have told you 5 weeks ago that I am a master at multi-tasking and that doing 3 or 4 things is totally possible. And it still is possible. I just know now that it’s not possible to do all 3 or 4 things to the best of my ability. This mistake, while small…had huge ramifications. Huge. I can’t even begin to tell you how I felt…but in my mind…this was a lose your job kind of mistake. I prayed for God to make it go away. I asked my husband and some of my friends and family to pray for me too.
Thankfully, the consequences were not that drastic but for weeks this has hung over my head. Each day I would beat myself up with worry and fret and mostly regret. I was just so ready to put this mistake behind me…I wanted to forget it but it just kept dragging out. On Tuesday, my manager had given me more bad news about this incident and I felt almost ready to resign. Then yesterday morning, on my back patio, looking at the beauty of the trees and listening to my own breathing, I said a prayer. And I told God that I accepted his answer. I had prayed for God to fix it and even though I really didn’t like the way God was going to fix it, I accepted that this was the way. And I forgave myself for my screw up. I went to work better than I had been in past weeks.
I hadn’t been at the office for more than 2 hours when a call came in. This call basically said that the incident had been reviewed and WAS RESOVLED. Not further actions were necessary. Of course, at first, I was unsure I believed it. But sure enough, it is done. It is behind me.
I said yesterday that there was a lesson in this and Iwas looking for it. Well, here it is. When I finally accepted that God’s answer to my prayer was not the answer that I had wanted, he answered my prayer in the way that I had prayed for. And for me, the lesson here is ACCEPTANCE. Because I’m not very good at it. It takes me awhile to get there. Surrendering to the fact that God was going to make me go through this to the bitter end was a big step for me. Forgiving myself was even bigger. Letting go of it…the biggest.
God is faithful all the time…his answers not always what we want to hear. But when we submit to His will, we will find the answers to our prayers. I believe that with all that I am.