Here it is people. It’s a shame when you are 46 old and have NO life. That is the spot I’m in right now. And I might be in my pity pool rolling around a bit too.
I think God is probably handing me the scissors and telling me to cut the cord or He will rip it from me. And I’m hanging on tightly to the cord, because it’s who I am. When I was in the dr. office’s a couple of weeks ago, he asked me what I like to do in my free time…what were my hobbies. I first said, “what free time?” and then the realization that I didn’t know hit me. Don’t you hate those AHA moments that are sadly pathetic?
I have been a mother for over 23 yrs. It’s what I do…besides work at the bank. Everything I do is centered around my children. The things I like to do is spend time with them. The thing is…my kids are 23 and 22 and really they need to have their own life without their mom leading the way. I realized this last week, when I was overcome with sadness at not feeling needed anymore. Now that, my friends, is a very eye opening place to be in. It had been me filling my daughter’s love tank, encouraging her, supporting her and then something magical happened. Her friends and the support group she has built around her stepped up. When they found out everything that was going on, they all bolted around her and she didn’t need me as much. What a wonderful blessing! But it was a blessing that let this mom feeling out of sorts.
I have this very good friend…a best friend really, that sits beside me at work, that is unbelievably honest with me. And her words of wisdom, as she has been in this dark place where motherhood changes, “take a step back.” So that is what I’m trying to do…take a step back to take a step forward. It’s better for everyone involved…including me. Especially me. All of the emotional energy that I was pouring into her, now I can pour it into me. Maybe I can find out what makes me happy, what hobbies I would like to start, how I like to spend my free time. Because I have some now.
It’s our responsiblity to raise our children…and I’m not sure you ever get done being a mother. But this I know for sure…motherhood changes.